Unexpected Timing

My daughter is ten today. I can’t believe how fast the past decade whizzed by me. As I reflect on her life this week, I can’t help but think back to when I was10 and my love of playing baby dolls with friends. We took our very lifelike toys with us everywhere we went, pretending to feed them and comfort them.  I dreamed of one day having a real mini-me to tote around, caring for it, and being loved no matter what I did. But my desire to be a mom and the reality of having a child never quite lined up as expected.

When does life ever line up as expected?

After getting married, my husband and I stopped “preventing” right away. At first, it was just a few months. Then it became a year. And then another one. I’ve never had so many disappointing trips to the bathroom as I did during those years. If you have ever struggled with infertility, you understand the hopelessness each month often brings. The months come and go, and every time your test is negative, your heart breaks a little more while you become more obsessed with the next month. Beautiful bellies and precious babies appear all around you. Before “trying,” you would have celebrated, but it feels like a knife going deeper into your skin.

Then came the doctors, pills, tests, and trials. I wanted to trust God’s plan, and yet I wanted a child more than anything else. I wanted to be good with whatever He desired for me, but I kept going back to that childhood dream of being a mother. I’ll never forget that moment on my knees, hands open skyward, telling God I was done fighting. I prayed aloud that whatever He wanted to just make me good with it, no matter what, that I just wanted to be with Him. And God, in His goodness and in His perfect timing, blessed us with a child.

The moment I gave up my dream was the same moment God handed it right back.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! - Matthew 7:11

God gives us good gifts. Sometimes our timelines align. More often than not, they don’t. It’s not because He isn’t for us. It’s just the opposite. His desire is more than making all our dreams come true. He wants us to desire Him above all else.

And when some of those childhood dreams are realized this side of heaven, the real gift is sharing it with Him.

1. Ask yourself: What things am I having a hard time with trusting God's timing?

2. Make a list. Think back to your childhood dreams. What things has God already given to you? What things are better than expected? 

3. Write a thank you note. Write a letter, poem, or note to the Lord thanking Him for His presence, and His presents.


JL McCarthy

August 11, 2020